........

seriously think it would be better if i just leave this place and go somewhere where there is no trouble. things are getting to complicated i dont know what to say, do or act anymore. at least back in kb i know all i would think about is craving to come back home (where all my trouble is). i guess working outside has its own advantages.

defeated

i feel so defeated thanks to you. somehow you manage to make me feel defeated and speechless. you manage to drive me up the wall by making me wonder day and night about you. but i think OTC would not agree with this. she would just tell me that i am thinking too much hopefully she is right! otherwise i really do feel defeated and i am planning to give you up for good. for once i told my besties that i would rather go back to KB as it gives me less stress all because of you. the thought of telling you how i feel always linger in my mind yet i could not bring myself to tell you when i talk to you. if only there are ways to test you. someone mind to share with me?

addiction

somehow after one dose of you made me feel like i need more. made me feel like i want more. it felt as though that one dose is not enough. but i know things are impossible so i should not hope for more. if only my holidays are not so short then we would be able to spend more time together. you really made me wonder a lot and did many silly things. one thing that i cant do is confess. every time i thought of it but i could not take my courage to do so. i am afraid of rejection as the saying goes ignorant is bliss

expressive

i somehow felt like i am lacking expressive skill. or was it because i am over protecting myself by building walls around me? it felt like i didnt express my feeling much to let people know what i am thinking. =P

happy chinese new year

hopefully rabbit year would be a better year for me. i only have two wishes and hopefully both my wishes come true.! happy chinese new year to everyone and may it be a year full of happiness and prosperity. oh not to forget about health. hopefully i wont see many sick people in the hospital!

confused

i have not felt like that for a very long time. a sudden burst of confusion flood into my mind. did you really read my blog? saw what i wrote? or do you have other intentions? i really cant tell. somehow i had a feeling you have other intentions. why ask me out as soon as you are back? and i thought you are going to ignore me. maybe i think too much. i need to calm down!

what has God install for me?

i am curious to know what has God installed for me this year.

curious to know if i would meet you again.

curious if you are coming back this year.

curious if this year would be a better than the previous ones.

curious if i am able to transfer back home.

so many things in my mind i dont know where to start. i guess somethings happen for a reason. though i may have hurt you but i dont think it is right for me to make it up. i am sorry if i am a cold hearted person but i really cannot accept you.