curiosity!

as the days past i wonder will you tell me that you are coming back for chinese new year holiday? will you call me or text me to ask me out again? will we be able to meet up during my chinese new year break? it has been awhile since the last time i saw you or chat with you online. i somehow missed your company. i wonder how have you been? hope everything went well. i guess we are not meant to be. maybe it is just me who fell for you. maybe it would be better if we do not meet during chinese new year break as it will make things easier. it would be easier for me to move on. time to start the year with a new perspective!

free as a bird

finally i am able to go where i like to. i finally got a car and finally am brave enough to drive around alone. weee.... had so much fun!

Lonely

i have never felt so lonely until i reach this place. it actually got me thinking of a lot of things. recently i went back home with the thought of spending less money. so i ended up staying at home utilising my unlimited wifi at home till the max. i streamed some dramas and one of them is a fairy tale drama. it somehow caught my attention and got me crying at touchy scenes. somehow i feel like i am missing something in life that is being able to love someone. i have not open my heart to anyone, told anyone what is actually in my mind nor express my true feelings to that someone. i have to admit i am envious of those who actually found someone. sometimes i really wonder when is it my turn? is it me being picky? or i am just not ready for any of this? or maybe i like the same kind. i really dont know. i guess in the mean time all i can do is sit still and see what happens.

some people

i am pretty frustrated with some people. it is not like they are not earning much money yet they still want me to treat them. wtf i know it is christmas and i should not be cursing but i cannot help it. i mean i came back home in debt with my dad as i was not able to transfer money to him when i was away. so i am suppose to give him back all his money. on top of that that someone insist that i need to treat them. everytime i go out with them. i have to treat them yet not once they treat me. what sort of treatment is this. no doubt they did do me some favours like fetching me to go out. but that does not happen often. haih! i feel so broke now. i am sorry la i am pretty stingy when it comes to spending money for other people as i want to use those money for myself. come on i am living in some ulu area. i sure do need some money to pamper myself. so fuck of people. i am not spending a single cent on you. come on i am not as lucky as most of you. idiots!

Dream

Till now i am still pondering with the question 'what do you want in your life?'. Somehow in the process of growing up to become an an adult, i lost my way. When i am a kid all i wanted was good grades in school as my parents like all Asian parents will tell their child to study hard so that they will earn big '$$' in the future. But my parents said it with a twist, they would tell me as long as i get good grades i would be able to study aboard. It was in fact one of my dream. But as i grew older i find this dream to be impossible. My dream shattered into pieces. Then as a teenager i have two things in mind, like every teenage girls i would think of getting a boy friend. But i am not willing to scarify my studies for a boy so i choose career (ie: study hard). Later it is time to think about career, it didn't take me long to decide what i want to do. Yet i am not able to go into that field. Why? Well, at that time there are no courses nor job opportunity for that field. So once again i was disappointed. As a results i choose something close to what my initial idea of an ideal career. Yet i didn't really know what i sign up for until my university years. Fortunately i manage to sail through it. Now i am given a secure job. Yet i am still not happy as i am not able to choose where i want to work. Somehow i feel that God is punishing me. I don't know for what reason but i really do felt that way. It seems like everything that i hope for never did happen. All i wish now is that please transfer me back to somewhere more civilise!

ups and downs in life

it has been awhile since the last time i blog. it is not like i have been very busy. it is just that i do not have the mood to do so. everytime when i tell myself i shall blog yet, when i reach this site i dont feel like blogging anymore.

many things had happen for the past few week. i have timetable problem, got angry with someone, got tired of working, worried about my appearance and many more. if i were to make a list. it would be too long.

now i am actually feeling a little upset. after reading a random blog. i felt like there is so many things missing in my life. could it be the path that i have choose? i have read and notice that everyone or should i say most of them already had a relationship in their teens. yet i dont have one. it is not like there is no one interested in me. it is just that i treasure my studies more than anything or am i too choosy? i also dont know. yet till now i still have not been into a relationship. that is why when someone ask me for an opinion in this matter i dont know how to give an advise. i guess i am pretty slow when it comes to this things.

it was not the first time, yet it happens again. why do people like to complain about my dress code? is it too sexy? do i need to cover from top to bottom? should i cover my face too? somehow i think people here are too conservative. what is wrong with wearing a maxi dress? too sexy? there is a cardigan with it and a lab coat. wtf to the people here. who they think they are to complain about my dress code when i didnt even apply to come here. too bad la i am from kl. n i wont follow your conservative dress code. it is not like i am wear some minis with super tight dress. so frustrated. for those Chinese there you could dress like that but none of you dare so dont complain.

Misery

just landed back to this boring place. feeling a little depress and there is nothing here to make me happier. wish i could take the next flight back home. i really wanna go back to civilisation..... god please i beg you send me back to civilisation ASAP!