confused

i have not felt like that for a very long time. a sudden burst of confusion flood into my mind. did you really read my blog? saw what i wrote? or do you have other intentions? i really cant tell. somehow i had a feeling you have other intentions. why ask me out as soon as you are back? and i thought you are going to ignore me. maybe i think too much. i need to calm down!

what has God install for me?

i am curious to know what has God installed for me this year.

curious to know if i would meet you again.

curious if you are coming back this year.

curious if this year would be a better than the previous ones.

curious if i am able to transfer back home.

so many things in my mind i dont know where to start. i guess somethings happen for a reason. though i may have hurt you but i dont think it is right for me to make it up. i am sorry if i am a cold hearted person but i really cannot accept you.

every cloud has a sliver lining

true as it is. i was having a bad day when i have to work with colleague #10. terrible fellow who only knows how to 'snake his way out'. on top of that the day that i choose to conduct cytotoxic drug reconstitution that is the day with the most preparation and the day with some problem. feeling extremely exhausted after being in the clean room for about 3 hours. problem encounters:

1) wrong solution for infusion. someone super smart instead of providing us with normal saline gave us 3% sodium chloride

2) the rubber band holding my mask to my face broke. i guess my head is too big.

as soon as i am out from the clean room my research partner asked me to accompany her for our proposal presentation. i was like 'urrr ok but i have not eat lunch' *of course i didnt say it out*. while waiting for our turn, i manage to get a gist on how our so call research community board bombard the other groups with question. luckily when it is our turn, not many bombarding but more of correcting. feeling pretty happy and confident now. hehehe... who should they thank? me! as i am the one who found this research journal! haih! but nevermind at least i know where i stand in this place.

tonight suppose to go 'lo sang' with my colleagues but i dont feel like going i just want to stay at home and cuddle with comfort food. dont ask why or what i have been like that lately.

inconsiderate person

colleague #1: why didnt you have breakfast with us?

me: i am not in a good mood today

*actually went breakfast with my housemates*

colleague #2: why are you so quiet today?

me: i have no mood

colleague #2: someone made you angry?

me: yes but i dont want to say who

colleague #2: oh!

i am pretty upset after hearing who i have to work with. wtf! dont dump me with 2 fellows who cannot work. urrrggghhh. idiot! i know you finally found your other half you dont need to treat me like that! at least find someone else that i can work with. hate u! hate u!

reflection

thinking back what have i posted on this blog made me realised that i hardly post happy post. i usually pour my sorrow and misery here. i am so sorry that my readers have to bare with my ranting, whining and sorrow. but actually there are some joy in my life. maybe i find it comforting that i have somewhere to pour my sorrows and miseries. at least i know no one will scold me nor make me feel bad if i pour it here.

Weird

till today i am still curious, why do i attract the ones i am not interested. why? why not those that i am interested. ish! i maybe racist in this sense but why why?? why other races? what happens to those of my kind. felt so depress! when will the right person be there for me?

Catching up

sometimes it is nice to catch up with our friends. i felt bless that my friends do remember me though i can be a pain in the ass. but just don't call me when i am about to SLEEP. for your information i need to work!

i kiss someone's car

haih this morning was in a hassle to work i left something important at home. so i decided to u turn back home. unfortunately it was a wrong move as i was on my way back to the hospital after making a bubu turn there is this lux car (mercedes) drove like a turtle. come on man, you are driving a lux car which has more power than my car yet you are driving like a turtle. as soon as i reach the hospital i could not find any parking. it was depressing as i am not a good driver thanks to some idiot who parked their car perfectly i scratched my car. feeling so depress now. maybe i should go mcd later to get some ice cream to cheer myself up. though it is a small scratch and not very visible but i still feel the pain. my car... poor kid...

coincidence?

why did you appear online after i post the previous post.? did you read it? eventhough your are online you didnt even say hi to me. i wonder did you see me online? maybe not. i guess if i dont take the initiative to say hi to you. you would not even bother to do so. you would only look for me when you need something. i am that boring that you could just ignore. i just i really do not have a place in your heart. i shall just give up hope on you and move on. at least one thing i know for sure as time pass the heart goes fonder. so i guess it is a good thing that you left. if not i would most likely be drown by sorrows and a broken heart. hopefully this year would be a better year where i am able to find someone who truly loves me.

curiosity!

as the days past i wonder will you tell me that you are coming back for chinese new year holiday? will you call me or text me to ask me out again? will we be able to meet up during my chinese new year break? it has been awhile since the last time i saw you or chat with you online. i somehow missed your company. i wonder how have you been? hope everything went well. i guess we are not meant to be. maybe it is just me who fell for you. maybe it would be better if we do not meet during chinese new year break as it will make things easier. it would be easier for me to move on. time to start the year with a new perspective!

free as a bird

finally i am able to go where i like to. i finally got a car and finally am brave enough to drive around alone. weee.... had so much fun!

Lonely

i have never felt so lonely until i reach this place. it actually got me thinking of a lot of things. recently i went back home with the thought of spending less money. so i ended up staying at home utilising my unlimited wifi at home till the max. i streamed some dramas and one of them is a fairy tale drama. it somehow caught my attention and got me crying at touchy scenes. somehow i feel like i am missing something in life that is being able to love someone. i have not open my heart to anyone, told anyone what is actually in my mind nor express my true feelings to that someone. i have to admit i am envious of those who actually found someone. sometimes i really wonder when is it my turn? is it me being picky? or i am just not ready for any of this? or maybe i like the same kind. i really dont know. i guess in the mean time all i can do is sit still and see what happens.